


Stuck In Reverse

by thephanfeeling



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Breakup, I cried when i wrote this, M/M, Sadness, Song fic, im sorry, now you know why it's sad, on fix you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:27:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3631491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thephanfeeling/pseuds/thephanfeeling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic on Fix you by Coldplay, Post breakup + death and just general sadness and tears. Originally posted on my tumblr thephanfeeling.tumblr.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck In Reverse

_When you try your best but you don’t succeed, when you get what you want but not what you need._

I’m trying to get you back, I really am. But when you come in this evening, the pretty girl with green eyes in your arms, your smile wider than usual, I realize I’m too late.

It was my fault we fell apart. I cared too much, about the wrong things. What people thought, what everyone would say. When I think back, I would change everything in a second. Because you are more important than ‘people’. Because I miss your lips on mine, the feel of your hands on my back, your soothing voice, your blue eyes. Because I still love you. But you don’t love me anymore. Because I have what I wanted – popularity, fame, money. But I don’t have what I need – you.

_When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep. Stuck in reverse._

I feel drained when I see you with her. You look so happy, so in love. And I know I should be happy for you, but every touch you share with her, every kiss you give her is like a stab to my heart. And it burns, because that could have been me. But it isn’t, and it’s all my fault.

I can’t sleep and it’s ironic because before when I stayed awake at night, you were the one who always succeeded in getting me to sleep. But now, you’re the reason I can’t sleep. And all I need is to see your shape in the darkness, next to mine. To know that the minute I call out to you, your worried blue eyes will be lulling me back to comfort. But you’re in the next room and your eyes are on her instead of me. I hope she knows that she is the luckiest girl in the world.

I wish I could go back and make you mine.

_When the tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can’t replace._

_When you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?_

I tried to be happy for you, I tried to ‘move on’, I tried to keep the tears from falling. But I failed, like always. I try not to cry in front of you, and that’s the one thing I’m actually good at. It’s ironic that it involves lying. I brush it off as something in my eye, or use one of the million excuses I am accustomed to using. And you believe me, though sometimes, I wish you didn’t. Sometimes I wish that you would ask me what’s wrong and hug me and comfort me.

Or maybe, you don’t believe me but choose to ignore me. Maybe you don’t want to deal with my drama anymore. Maybe you just don’t want me to be around anymore.

I fucked it up real bad, didn’t I? And now look at me, I’m a cliché, the one who threw it all away. I hurt myself, and you. And it hurts, it hurts so much I could die. And you know what, maybe I should do just that. Die. It’s so easy. A solution to everything. Because I’ve lost you, and I think somewhere in the process, I’ve lost myself.

At least you’re happy. You don’t need me anymore. I don’t think anyone does, to be honest.

I don’t think I need me anymore.

I think I’ve run out of time.

_Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, I will try to fix you._

I’ve fixed it Phil, I won’t be there anymore to butt in. You’ll be rid of me, finally. I think I’m finally doing the right thing.

When I’m about to overdose, I see your beautiful blue eyes staring into mine. My mind is cruel, I must be dreaming. At least I see what I most wanted to in my last minutes, even though it might be fake. And then I’m smiling because you’re eyes are like lights. Bright, blue, invigorating. I must have looked like a maniac, a psycho, smiling just as he steps into the darkness. Too bad no one was there to see me.

But anyone would smile if they saw your eyes. You could go swimming in them.

~


End file.
